If only
by Sweetheart From Hell
Summary: If Castiel only had looked a little deeper when he went to watch Dean between s5 and s6, and Dean hadn't been so stubborn, things might have turned out differently
1. Castiel

**I wrote this in about ten minutes, and it's far, far from being the best I've written, but I hope that you might enjoy it a little bit anyway.**

**I suppose it's kind of one sided Destiel, though it doesn't have to be read that way.**

**I randomly got this idea when I was reading the latest chapter in Artemisdesari's fic The Words I've Spoken. Great fic, btw, go read it! So I guess I dedicate this to her.**

**Review? Please?**

**~SPN~**

If Castiel had not been so busy grieving the fact that his hunter does not seem to need him anymore he might have felt it. He might have felt the despair bubbling just under the surface of Dean's contentment with his new, domestic lifestyle.

If he had just taken a moment to prod ever so briefly into Dean's mind, many things might have turned out differently. But he does not, and Dean never gets the chance of explaining to him, since Castiel always stays unseen, invisible, because he does no want to intrude on what he thinks, _wants_ to think, is peace and something at least resembling happiness.

It hurts him to watch Dean like this, he desperately tries to convince himself he is happy that the hunter finally has found the family he has always craved, but the hurt is deeper, the thought that Dean does not need him anymore tears at him every time he comes to visit.

Then, when Crowley comes and suggests a deal, he accepts it because he knows that Dean will not help him, even if he were to ask. He does not even consider the possibility that Dean would leave this domestic life if Castiel revealed himself, and explained it all. So because he only sees what he desperately wants to see, Dean's happiness and peaceful life, he accepts Crowley's offer, and turns his back on Dean.

He does not return to watch his hunter doing all the things a normal man does with and for his family, and when Dean finally calls for him, it is too late. And Castiel still does not look any deeper than the surface, because maybe, just maybe, he is afraid to see that he has been wrong about Dean's feelings this past year. So he keeps convincing himself he did the right thing.

If he had only looked a little deeper, looked _into_ Dean rather than just _at_ him, things might have turned out differently.

If he had not cared so much about the hunter, about giving him the life Castiel thinks he deserves, everything would have turned out differently.

**~SPN~**

**Review?**


	2. Dean

**Well, this is a companion piece more than a second chapter, but I post it like that anyway.**

**This time it's from Dean's POV. I personally prefer the first one… Review?**

**~SPN~**

At first, Dean really did try to forget his past life. He tried to leave the hunting and everything that came with it behind him, more or less broke off the contact with Bobby, and pushed every thought of Castiel away before it formed.

Then, when he realizes that he cannot leave the past behind, that he will always dream, always remember, he is too stubborn to call for his friend. He reasons that, since Castiel has not come to talk to him, the angel does not want anything to do with him anymore. So Dean should not bother him, right?

If he only had thought a little more, if he only had taken a moment to remember everything Castiel ever did for him, things might have turned out differently.

But he does not, and if he ever feels even the slightest tingle of familiar grace in the air, or in his scar, he passes it off as imagination, because Castiel is better off without him, must be since Dean has no heard from him since…

Sometimes he thinks he catches a glimpse of his ange… Castiel in his dreams, especially nightmares that suddenly turn more peaceful, but he can never remember it clearly in the morning, and does not dwell on it.

And if his mind ever forms a quiet prayer, Dean is quick with following it up with a thought of how Castiel obviously has better things to do than see him.

If he had not been so stubborn in not calling for his friend, things might have been different.

When he finally does call for Castiel, it is too late since long. Deals are made and a war is being fought, and the most important thing for Castiel is to win.

If Dean only had been able to think, just for a moment, that he might be worth Castiel's time, even when he is not saving the world, things would have turned out differently.

**~SPN~**

**Review? Please? You make my day!**


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